Hello, my single Sista’s in Christ and welcome to another episode of God is Your Matchmaker Podcast.
At the end of episode two, I announced the title for my next podcast as “Are You a Candidate for Marriage? But I’ve had a change of mind and will title this podcast “Is He a Good Candidate for Marriage?” Let’s delve right into our topic and you’ll understand the logic behind my title change.
It was July 29, 1981, but I remember it like it was yesterday. To ensure that I didn’t oversleep, I set my alarm clock for 1:30 am. I intentionally interrupted my best sleep to get up and watch the event and highlight of the year. And I wasn’t the only one who arose in the wee hours to be a television spectator.
The whole world participated in this event for the media made it available to all. What was this spectacular event that caught the attention of millions? It was the Wedding of Charles, Prince of Wales, and Lady Diana Spencer at St Paul’s Cathedral in London.
This event superseded all my expectations and propelled me into the world of fancy. But I quickly came back down to earth, for fairy tales do not exist in real life. Unlike Cinderella and the Prince, there was trouble from the very beginning of this pretense romance.
I watched Lady Diana Spencer, at the age of 20 with her 25-foot-long train, enter the St. Paul’s Cathedral as Lady Diana Spencer and existed as the Princess of Wales and the future queen of England. But little did I know that this marriage was doomed from the beginning. It was a pretense romance that followed the same path as the luxury cruise liner, the Titanic which ended with a fatal collision with an Iceberg.
Weak Foundation
But why was this marriage doomed from the beginning?
Lady Diana met all the monarchy qualifications for a wife and future queen of England.
Young
Aristocrat
Virginal
But was Prince Charles a good candidate for marriage? Did he have the qualities required to fulfill the role of a loving husband?
Yes, on paper if one must select between the marital status options available, which are
Single
Married
Divorced
Widower
Then yes, he met the requirements.
Prince Charles would check the single box for he was unmarried and had never married. But does the status “unmarried” qualify one as a good candidate for marriage? In the case of Lady Diana and Prince Charles, the answer is a resounding “NO!”
Now understand me, the brother had some stats: He was:
Single (unmarried)/Bachelor
Financial stability/Security
(and ladies, we are looking for financial security – let the church say AMEN!
Attractive
Charming
Looking for a Wife/Wife hunting mode/Wife Hunting Season
However, Prince Charles, whose status was single, was NOT available. And he was looking for a wife, but for all the wrong reasons.
For some time into the dating relationship, even before the Royals announced the engagement, Lady Diana ran into the persistent, lingering presence of another woman in her courtship, engagement, and eventual marriage to Prince Charles. Where there should have been two, there were three.
So, although Lady Diana was sporting the engagement ring and making the wedding plans, Prince Charles’s heart belonged to the woman referred to as the love of his life. Unfortunately, her name was not Diana.
So why didn’t Prince Charles just marry the love of his life? Well, he eventually did, but at this point, Camilla Parker Bowels was not a candidate for marriage because she was a married woman and did not fit the qualifications for the future queen of England:
Young
Aristocrat – Camilla was not of the royal class. Mere likely upper-middle class
Virginal
Single – unmarried
But on the other hand, Lady Diana was described as a hopeless romantic and meeting Prince Charles was a dream come true. But was meeting Lady Diana a dream come true for Prince Charles?
In one sense, I would have to say “Yes”, for he was looking for a wife, but it appears his searching was for all the wrong reasons.
Diana was looking to give love and be loved. However, on the other hand, Prince Charles was looking for a virgin who could produce an heir to the throne. And he found that in Lady Diana.
But before Lady Diana accepted his marriage proposal, the warning signs were there. Lady Diana did confront Prince Charles concerning the red flags of a mistress. But once she did not receive the response that she was hoping for and saw no obvious nor promising signs of change, she had a decision to make.
Like so many of us hopeless romantics, Lady Diana pushed passed the warnings to pursue the desire of her heart, which was not to be married to the future king of England but to be married and loved by her one and only, Charles.
Their engagement was announced on February 24, 1981. However, on the eve of their wedding, Lady Diana found a bracelet Prince Charles had purchased for his mistress. Diana wanted to back out, but her sister advised her not to.
So, on Wednesday, July 29, 1981, I was one of the nearly 750 million television viewers in 74 countries who tuned in to witness the marriage of Prince Charles, heir to the British throne, to Lady Diana Spencer, a young English schoolteacher.
Sad to say, there is no “happily ever after” to this story. In 1996, Prince Charles and Diana, Princess of Wales, divorced and a year later, on August 31, 1997, Princess Diana’s life came to a tragic end when she was killed with her companion Dodi Fayed in a car accident in Paris.
On the other hand, while the tumultuous romance of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowels first ignited in the 1970s, they didn’t marry until April 9, 2005.
Valuable Lessons
So why did I choose to use the relationship between Prince Charles and Lady Diana as the podcast theme? I was taught experience is not the best teacher but learning from someone else’s mistake is a wise and valuable teacher. So, what lessons can we learn from observing the relationship between Prince Charles and Lady Diana?
I’m pretty sure You and I will probably never have to face the public, worldwide pressures that come with love, dating, courtship, and marriage as Lady Diana did. However, we do have to make relationship choices, especially when we see red flags glaring in our faces.
So now I’m putting the question to you. My single Sistas in Christ. Is the current man that you’re dating a good candidate for marriage? Is the man who occupies and consumes your mind, heart, soul, and emotions in a position to love you as Christ loves the church?
What would you do if confronted with the reality that the man of your dreams is in love with someone else? You want to have children, but he doesn’t. Or you can’t stand cigarette smoke and he’s a smoker.
Or let’s bring it closer to home: maybe he just doesn’t want to get married.
He’s a good man and considered a good catch. He’s good to you and for you, but your heart desires to be in a committed relationship that has the potential to evolve into marriage. But this gentleman has been honest with you. No deception or misleading has taken place. He has informed you from the beginning or somewhere in the middle that he has absolutely NO intentions of getting married. The “M” word is not in his 5 – 10-year plans or any other plans.
So, What do you do?
4 Alternatives to Solving an Unsolvable Problem
4 Alternatives to Solving an Unsolvable Problem; 4 options for addressing your deal breakers, and your unmet requirements.
And the sooner you address the unsolvable problem, the better off you will be. Eventually, consciously, or unconsciously, you will choose one of these options.
You can:
- Stay and be unhappy
- Leave
- Compromise
- Let go of the problem
Let’s look at each one of these alternatives in the light of making quality decisions concerning our future spouse.
#1 – Stay and be unhappy
The stay and be unhappy option reminds me of the apologue that describes a frog being slowly boiled alive. The premise is that if a frog is put suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death.
Like Princess Diana, I believe when we make this choice to “Stay and be unhappy”, it is done unconsciously. In the back of our minds, we were hoping that our significant other would realize the pain that this situation is causing and take the necessary steps to terminate our source of pain.
However, staying and hoping that the other person would change is a gamble, and, in most cases, change doesn’t take place and we end up in a situation where are needs are not being met. So, we stay and be unhappy for the rest of our life or the rest of that relationship.
I don’t know about you, but if I see the red flags, if my requirements are not being met, it’s better to hurt me fast than to hurt me slowly, for I don’t want to settle and end up like the frog in the water.
#2 – Leave
Another alternative to solving an unsolvable problem is you can Leave
My single Sista in Christ, romance, dating, and courtship are investments. And this is my question to you: Are you getting the proper return rate on your contributions?
First of all, just like financial investments, we need to put a time limit on the progress status of our dating relationships. You’ve given this relationship adequate time and you really, really, worked on it; you’ve invested your time, energy, soul, mind, body, and emotions, but the unsolvable problem keeps lingering on and on.
If your ending balance is in the red (-), then don’t force what was not meant to be. It is time to abort this mission. Do yourself and him a favor. It’s time to count your losses and leave, no matter how painful they might be.
Remember ladies, our goal is to receive God’s best and if we choose to remain in relationships that He does not ordain, we end up blocking our blessings.
LEAVE! Let him go! God has better in store for you.
#3 – Compromise
The third alternative to solving an unsolvable problem is you can Compromise
You can accept standards that are lower than what you desire. When you compromise, you’re giving up a significant part of what you need for the relationship to work for you.
So, I want you to ponder these questions:
- What do you want?
- Can you compromise your requirements or deal breakers and be happy?
- In this situation, is compromising a coping mechanism that comforts you because you refuse to confront?
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes compromising on essential things is necessary for the relationship’s good. I enjoy watching HGTV and when a couple is searing for a new house, each one is willing to compromise to purchase the best home for them.
But that’s not the same as deciding to lower your standards concerning your requirements for a mate.
Ladies, you can compromise; just realize that you won’t be 100% happy and that you’re putting yourself in a position of missing God’s handpicked, tailor-made good thing for you. A blessing that he wants to give you, but the seat is occupied.
#4 – Let go of the problem
Our last alternative to solving an unsolvable problem is to Let go of the problem
I have a friend who considers her husband to be an alcoholic and it bothered her when he would pass out in the middle of the family room floor after his binges. After years of addressing the situation, the couple agreed to see a counselor.
My friend expressed her feelings concerning his alcohol consumption but to her surprise, when the counselor asked her husband what the problem was, he stated, “I have no problem. I control where I drink, when I drink, and where I’m going to pass out.”
When my friend saw that his drinking was a problem for her but not for him, she decided to let go of the problem. And she let it go to the point where she didn’t bug him about it, and it didn’t bother her anymore. My friend made the quality decision that since she couldn’t change him, and he didn’t want to change, and she wanted to stay with him, she would “Let go of the problem”.
Keep in mind that you can let go of the problem. It’s a valid option. But as a single, it’s tough to let it go when it’s a requirement, a deal-breaker. Requirements are core ingredients and standards embedded in your soul and are such a big part of who you are.
However, you could choose to let go of the problem, especially if this is an area of growth for you. Letting go of the problem is a valid option that you could be happy with for the rest of your life or the lifetime of the relationship.
Is He a Good Candidate for Marriage?
So, is the man you’re currently dating or thinking about dating a good candidate for marriage? Does he have the qualities required for the role of a husband? Is he a diamond in the rough? God may send you a man with exceptional qualities or potential but lacks refinement or polish. Girlfriend, together with God, you can work this kind of man.
So don’t be foolish and give up on your good thing. All he needs is a makeover like an old house with a good foundation.
But let’s say, after your intentional performance evaluation review, you see that this single, unmarried man is not a good candidate for the type of marriage that you envision. The signs signal that this relationship is doomed from the beginning. But remember, you’re not stuck; you have options.
You can…
- Stay and be unhappy
- Leave
- Compromise
- Let go of the problem
No choice is an easy choice, and the longer you stay in the relationship, the harder it is to choose. However, you must keep your goal and vision for marriage in view. And if this relationship cannot deliver the desires of your heart, then it’s helpful to know what your options are.
Now the topic of this podcast was “Is He a Good Candidate for Marriage?” Although my focus was on the male ladies, we also need to be good candidates for marriage, and I can help you get there.
So go to my website at godisyourmatchmaker.com and grab your copy of my free guide
“4 Steps to Help Single Christian Women Attract and Marry Men Who Are
Tailor-made for Them by God”
These valuable jewels will assist you in God’s preparation process for your mate.
I want to end this podcast with a scripture from the book of Joshua, chapter 24:15:
But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates (river), or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”
Now listen to my paraphrased version of this verse:
If being in your current dating relationship seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will date. Will you get involved in a relationship that does not have my stamp of approval, or will you continue to date the man who does not meet your requirements, needs, and wants? But as for me, I will wait on the Lord for His best. For God is my matchmaker.
See you next time for another thrilling podcast.
Start expecting for God is about to do a new thing in you. Be Blessed!
